ADULT JOKES

☻sex is like nokia (connecting people) like nike (just do it) like pepsi (ask for more) and like samsung (everybody is invited)
 

☻A woman is like a pair of rubber boots. When they are dry, you cannot enter them, when they are wet, they smell and when you walk on the street with them, people laugh at you.
 

☻Zwaai uw tieten in het rond, schuur je clitoris op de grond, stop 4 vingers in je kut, ram die kittelaar tot frut, bevredig je met een gans, dit is de mastrubatiedans.
 

☻Press down......down more......ok......more......yes......ahh......ohh......yes......almost there......yeah......oh shit......harder......so good!
mmmm ......................That's how we sex on text.
 

☻Message from you provider: Your dildo is disturbing our network. Turn it off or continue manually. Thanks for your cooperation.
 

☻The 3 miracles of a woman: produce milk without eating grass, 4 days of bleeding without dieing, letting a man come without yelling.
 

☻Hi, I am an alien and I've just transformed in your phone and right now I'm having sex with your finger. I know you like it because you're smiling now!!
 

☻I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!
 

☻Do you know the highest level you can reach during sex? ................................. no?...................................... Bungler !
 

☻By opening this message you activated the dildo of your girlfriend. She thanks you moaning...You have now become unnecessary.
 

☻Pornography tells lies about women, but the truth about men.
 

☻Roses are red ... Pickles are green ... I love your legs and whats in between
 

☻Searching(sex)......Done...Everybody is having sex at this very moment....Wait a sec...There is only one sucker reading this message!
 

☻Sex is a sensation caused by temptation,when a man puts his location in a woman's destination,do U understand the explination or would U like a demonstration

☻Pink Vagina
Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Red Riding Hood
Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!

☻Fuck for money
sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b'hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it's a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

☻Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

☻Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

☻LETS PLAY WAR!! You lay down and i'll blow the shit out of you!

☻When i was a girl,i had a little quim,i sat upon my bed & put a finger in,now im a woman & full of grace &charm,Ican get 4fingers in & HALF MY FUCKIN ARM!!

☻Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!

☻There was a young girlcalled heather,whoscunt lips were made of leather they made a strange noise that attracted the boys by flapping the edges together

☻little miss drugy sat in a buggy smoking a pipe of weed alongcame a spider skinned up beside her and sold her some acid and speed .

☻Jack & Jill went 2 the dairy, Jack popped out his big'n airy, Jill said "WOW WOT A WHOPPER let's go home & DO IT PROPER

☻what do you do if a irish man through's a pin at you ... ... you runcause he's got a grenade in his mouth

☻There was a young girl from Wick, who asked her mum what's a prick, her mother said Annie it goes up your fanny and jumps up and down till it's sick.

☻This is acock sucker detector

Please blow in the phone..... .. scanning....

The test was positive 90percent sperm breath...

COCK SUCKER !!

☻Dad, what does a vagina look like before sex?
A pink rose with loveley details.
And after sex?
Boy, ever seen a bulldog eating maiyonnaise?

☻Bad wolf told red riding hood. Lift your top so ican suck your tits.
No she said lifting her skirt.
Eat me like the fucking book says!

☻sex is good sex is funny many people fuck for money
but if you think sex is funny fuck yourself and safe your money

☻What sexual position do you have to be in to make the most ugliest kid?…. ask your parents

☻What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

☻A train is bout 2 crash!A frantic virgin strips off & says "can any1 make me feel like a woman b4 i die?" So a man takes off his clothes & says "iron these!"

☻Wots da closest thing to a womans period? ur salary! It cums once a month.lasts About 3 or 4 days & if it doesnt cum every1s in trouble!

☻Old chinese proverb says "man with erection walking through door sideways is always going to Bangkok"

☻Virginity is like a balloon one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop you can't stop!!

☻SEX
 
SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT
 
Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!
 

☻YOU ARE WANTED
 
The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?
 

☻TALKING DIRTY
 
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
☻LOVE AND SEX
 
Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!
 
 

☻SEX IS ...
 
Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!
 

☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$
 
MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
 

☻NIGHT PRAYER
 
Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.
 

☻WHAT I NEED
 
I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!
 

☻WRONG NUMBER
 
U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY
 

☻NO SEX !
 
There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !
 

☻PHONE ENGAGE
 
hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'
 

☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.
 

☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.
 

☻OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)

☻ARSE ICONS
(_!_) Regular arse 
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse 
(_*_) Sore arse 
(_o_) Well used arse 
(_e=mc2_)  Smart arse 
(_x_) Kiss my arse

☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover 

☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons! 

☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration 

☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in. 

☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.  

☻GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.  

☻cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down 

☻HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !

☻WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

☻SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

☻BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

☻VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?

☻F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

☻THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck
☻The Alpahbet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!

☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!

☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!

☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!

☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?