SARDARJI JOKES

Top 10 sardarji inventions............

1) The water-proof towel
2) Solar powered torch
3) Submarine revolving door
4) A book on how to read
5) Inflatable dart board
6) A dictionary index
7) Ejector seat in a helicopter
8) Powdered water
9) Pedal-powered wheel chair
10) Water-proof tea bag

Once there were four guys , hindu,muslim,sikh and christian.They all started an arguement about hanuman ji.
The matter of their arguement was the religion of hanuman ji. First of all Hindu came forward and said Ram ji was hindu ,
hanuman ji was his follower so hanuman ji was also hindu.
Then the muslim guy quickly responded at this and said hanuman is a muslim name
jaise rehman suleman waise hi hanuman. The christian guy said no it is an
english name just like heman and superman (heman,superman,hanuman).
At this the sardar ji got angry and said
"Jo insaan kisi doosre ki bBewee (wife) ke liye apni poonch mein aag lagwa sakta hai,wo sardar ke siwa koi nahi ho saktaa"

what is a sikh scuba diver called?
jal-andhar singh.

what is history of punjab called?
sarson-da-saga.

what would punjabi international airlines be called?
kitthe pacific.

what would national airlines be named?
itthe pacific.

what do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
just-beer singh.

what do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
just-one singh.

Paint the highway
A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway.
On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better.
Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can."

A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching
he is swetting in his seat when his friend asks him 'kyon sardarji,
kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai??'
Sardarji replies 'Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata

Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you measure a surd's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear!
Q: Why do surds wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP A SURD BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN A SURD THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: How do you make a surd laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: Why did god give surds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.
Q: How do you confuse a surd?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like surd jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you do when a surd throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
A: He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Q: What surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ? (he already
has one and he wants one more..)
A: He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!
Q: THINK about it.
A: I don't have to think.... I'm surd !!
Q:) why does a sardar smile during lightning?
A:) He thinks his photograph is being taken!
Q:) Why did a sardarji took a binocular to a funeral?
A:) Because it was a close friend of sardarji....

One day a sardarjee etered my provision store and asked for a packet of butter.
He was handed over with the packet which had the caption cholestrol free written on it.
He paid for the butter and was handed over the butter He waited for sometime.
On asking him what else he wanted, he replied " don't think I will get fooled by you shopkeepers,
please hand over the cholestrol
which the company offered free with purchase of this pack".

Kaun Banega Crorepati
Once a sardarji is selected to play the Kaun Banega Crorepati game with Mr Bacchan.
Mr Bacchan asks the Sardar "Aap ek hazaar rupye jeetne ke liye taiyaar hain"
Sardarji replies " Haanji bilkul taiyaar hain"
Mr Bacchan says " Aapka pehla sawal " Aapka naam kya hai ?"
Sardarji replies "Balwinder Singh",
Mr Bacchan asks - sure ?
Sardarjee - Oh jee 100% sure
Mr Bacchan asks - lock kar doo ?
Sardarjee replies Ha ji lock kar do.
Mr Bacchan " Mubarak ho Aap ek hazaar rupye jeet gaye".
Mr Bacchan says "Ab aapka doosra sawaal"
Mr Bacchan asks the second question - "Aap ke pitaji ka naam kya hai ?"
After thinking for quite some time the Sardarji says " Are atleast chaar options to do"

A Sardarji is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Sardarji, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a phone in your car?"
Sardarji, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"
Sardarji, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"
Sardarji, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."

This Sardarji is driving a passenger train when all of a sudden he gets the train off the tracks,
drives it into the nearby field and back on to the rails.
All this long the passengers are shocked and upon the next stop complain to the Station Master.
An angry SM confronts the Sardar who says,
"Saab main theekh hee chala rahatha jab main ne dekha ke ek aadmi tracks par khada hai".
But the SM retorts "To toone ek aadmi ke liye itnee logon ki jaane mushkil main daali,
abe saale le jaana tha uske upar say". "Saab main bhi
yehi socha lekin jab train nazdeek aayi to voh saala bhagnay laga", says the Sardarji.

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection in fact,
the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock,
his young Sardar attendant just filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the Sardar attendant.
"So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the attendant.
"So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for five years.
Of course I know what 'UFO' means. 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"

Once one sardar and one pathan were traveling in one train.
Sardar was trying to open his suitcase to take out his night dress. But he was unable to open it.
Pathan came and opened the suitcase & said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After an hour sardar was busy in opening his lunch box. But he could not opened it.
Pathan came, opened the box & said "Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai" and went off .
After some time sardar was trying to open door of toilet but he couldn't .
Again Pathan came and opened it with one kick and said " Pathan Sher ka bachcha hai"
This time sardar was to angry he asked pathan "oye muzhe ek gal bata, teri ma junge gayi thi ya sher tere ghar aaya tha?"
and went off.

Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers,
"Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us.
We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."
All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.
Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.
After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and
suddenly out of nowhere a Sardarji came forward near the railing and chanted,
" Jo bole-so-nihal, sat sri akaal"
"wahe guruji da khalsa, wahe guruji di fateh"
"Jai maa Kali, Jai maa Durga, Jai Hanuman"
"jai Sri Ram, Jai siva-sankar, Jai baba nanak di"
"Jai jawan jai kissan "
and finally yelled at the top of his voice "Bharat mata ki jai"
And Kicked the pakistani standing next to him in the sea.

One day one sardar was standing outside the gateway of India in Mumbai. One newly married couple came there,
they were on their honey moon and they were to visit Mumbai and delhi.
They had to go to delhi the nexyt day, the couple went to the sardarji and asked
"tusi ki karte piyo (what are you doing?"the sardar ji replied my son is just born I am filling his birth certificate ".
The next day the couple saw the sardarji in front of lal kila in Delhi and was filling the same form,
the couple went again to the Sardarji and asked "what are you doing here"?
Sardarji replies "I am filling my son's birth certificate
" the couple says "but u were filling the same form in Mumbai yesterday " The sardarji now irritated replied
"Can't you see it is written fill in Capital"

The Exam
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination which consists of Y/N type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes,
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out, removes a coin and starts
tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Y for Heads and N for Tails. Within half an hour
he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.
During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I finished the exam in half and hour". "But yaar", he says,
"I am rechecking my answers and am not able to tally them with what I wrote."

 Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt. Next day ,
on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel and exclaimed " sala aaj bhi phisalna hoga".
Later after two days, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" ari sala , aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!

Once a sardarji marries a girl, within one and a half years he gets a baby girl.He is very upset as he expected a boy.
But he decides to tell people that it is a boy and not a girl!!!!At the naming ceremony of the child, two of
his sardarji friends look at the child for the first time. As told earlier, the sardar tells them that its a boy!!!
The two sardarji friends tell the father of the child that the eyes of the new born child are like him,
he childs nose is also like that of the sardar.
Suddenly the new born baby urinates on one of the sardar friends.
hey take out the nappy to clean the baby, Alas they are shocked to see that it is a baby girl.
They ask the father sardarji the reason for this. He answers in a COOL way,
"Are bhai, you said the babys eyes and nose are like me, So something should be like its mother also SAMJHE KYA?"

"Help.... the Titanic is going to be drowned...."
Everybody in the ship is shouting, crying, running or praying to God...
Just then a Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have got the experience of swimming even more.
The Italian jumps off the ship into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here ?
Sardarji : Downwards ...
Once many people from around the world were invited at Queen Victoria's residence for lunch.
At the beginning of the lunch it was announced that every thing which is to be asked will be asked in a poetic way.
There was a sardar also. A person sitting next to sardar said to his partner "Mr. Tibutboon, please pass the spoon".
Now the sardar wanted custard. He thought a lot for a simile for custard but couldn't find one.
In the end he said to his partner "you bastard, pass the custard".

Bantu returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father."
Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only
say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am
Sardar?"
No son, that's because you are intelligent. "
Bantu seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question,
Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10,
I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Sardar ??"
No son, that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.
Happy with the answer, Bantu poses another question to his father,
Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me,
I was atleast twice their height. Is that because I am Sardar ??"
The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

A sardar was recently hired at an office. His first task was to go out for coffee.
Eager to do well on the first day on the job, he grabbed a large thismos and hurried to a nearby coffee shop.
He held up the thismos and the coffee shop worker quickly came over to take his order.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" the sardar asked.
The coffee shop worker looked at the thermos, hesitated a few seconds, then finally replied,
"Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Oh good!" the sardar sighed in relief.
"Then give me two regular, two black, and two decaf.

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

* puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* tries to drown a fish in waters.
* thinks socialism means partying.
* trips over a cordless phone.
* takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* studies for a blood test and fails.
* sells the car for gas money.
* misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* drives to the airport and sees a sign that said,"Airport left", he turns around and goes home.
* gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

A sardarji once went to america. He toured the entire united states and before returning
he visited Washington D.C to hear John F. Kennedy's speech.
During his speech Kennedy told the crowd that he had slept with only one other woman than his wife
and challenged the crowd to guess who she was. When the crowd gave up he promptly told that it was his mother.
The crowd went wild and the surd was very impressed.
When he came back a party was thrown in honor of him and he was asked to give a speech,
He remembered kennedy's speech and he told the crowd that he had slept with only one woman other than his wife and challenged the people to guess who the person was.
When the crowd gave up the surd said, Kennedy's mother.

There was this Sardarji who was a non-smoker, one of his friends claimed that he can make the Sardarji a chain-smoker,
It was a hundred bucks bet.
His Friend brought a pack of WILLS (cigarette) and told Sardarji that it was an abbreviation for
"Women in London Love Sadars" (WILLS) The Sardarji loved the concept and started smoking and soon became a chain-smoker.
Now it was a turn of another of his friends, this friend claimed that he can de-addict Sardarji but for two hundred bucks.
This Friend also brought the Sardarji a pack WILLS (Cigarette) but told the Sardarji
what WILLS if reversed (SLIIW) stands for "Sardars Look Like Indian Women."
The Sardarji left smoking!

Sardar's Planting Trees
A passerby watched two sardarjis in a park.
One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.
'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'What on earth are you doing?'
'Well,' said the digger, 'Usually there are three of us.
I dig the hole, Balwant plants the tree saplings and Gurpreet fills in the hole.
Today Balwant is off, because he is ill, but that doesn't mean Gurpreet and I get the day off!

A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that
new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance
a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow, even though it's not the answer
I expected, so your answer is correct. But how did you get only 12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word

Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder to you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."

Q:) Why does sardarji brings binoculorses in his own marriage?
A:) To see his far reletavies.

Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches
out of their pockets and started to eat them.
?You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars swapped their sandwiches.

Q. What would you call an Irish lady that marries a Sardarji?
A. Blonde Sardarini.
Q. And would this couple be as smart as other people?
A. Yes, since math says 50%+50%=100%

A sardar was very fond of sensational and detective novels,
but he always started reading from the middle.
A friend of his asked why he did so?"
It'z doubly interesting", said the Sardar.
"TO start from the middle keeps one curious not only about its conclusion but also about its beginning".

 A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs. The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give >you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest spread
out for the next 19 weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.
" Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 lakhs right now,
then I want my five rupees back!